You have a large what?

Getting off a rush-hour train the other day I overheard a woman behind me say into her cell phone, quite clearly and rather loudly, “My doctor said I have a large uterus. Never heard that before.”

Slap my butt and call me Bobby, I never have either. And I hope to never again.

First, what the bejeebers is a large uterus? Does she have fibroids? A thick uterine wall? I mean, the doctor actually used the words “large uterus”?

Oh, come on.

Mostly, though, why the bejeebers is the woman talking about her wonky womb in public anyway? Has she no boundaries at all? At long last, has she no sense of decency?

Well, that does it.

The next time I’m on the train I’m going to say into my phone, whether anyone is on the other end or not, and at the busiest time of day, “My doctor says I have the testicles of a 92-year-old man sitting in a sauna naked.”

So there.